Reflections

Life has not left a lot of time for reflection, but I want to get this down before I move on. 

This is how I spent much of my time in life.  I guess I thought it would stay this way for a very loooonnnnggg time.  And it did really.  It just doesnt' feel like it right now.  I tried to cherish those moments and to not wish away the days of small things.  I listened to those moms who declared how quickly time flies and that I needed to enjoy them.  We have been very busy and very full. 

But now we are here.

And time is still flying.  I'm thankful that Fred is away doing college things.  He should be.  Leaving him in a dorm room with 4 other young men was relatively easy.  I've done it before, but he always came back.  But the longer he's away, the more my psyche realizes that he's not really ever coming back.  He may be here for an extended period of time, but it won't ever be the same.  My little boy isn't mine anymore.  He's headed for bigger and better things, and my heart isn't ready. 

A door is closing on this chapter.  It's been closing since it first opened, but now it's imminent.  This isn't new, but it sure is new to me.  Of course Peter still has 7 more years of school, so we're still in the thick of parenting, but the realization of the closing door makes me more aware of the brevity of time. 

Don't get me wrong.  I'm not lamenting or depressed--just wistful.  I pray that this new awareness makes me take more time to enjoy my boys.  I pray that it reminds me to continue to build my relationship with my sweet husband since soon it will be just us.  I pray that I will appreciate the moments together and stop being petty over the little things.  Mostly though, I pray that I will be thankful for the privilege of being a mom and embrace with joy the young men that God is molding under my roof.

Easter Weekend

What an amazing Easter weekend we experienced!  The Good Friday Service was so moving and personal.  We learned about the last 7 "words" of Christ from the cross.  I was surprised at the emotion that met me as I contemplated those last thoughts Christ shared.  After that, Karen delivered a monologue as a person witnessing the crucifixion and coming to the realization that without that death, without that horrendous act, there is no salvation for any of us.  We have to join our voices with the crowd in shouting, "crucify!" or else we are lost.  Powerful, humbling thoughts as we took communion together. 

Saturday we joined our church in the Eggspedition outreach to our community.  We worked the putt putt booth, while the boys worked in the concessions area.  We never really have a hunt--it's more like a vacuum!  We watched as 12,000 eggs disappeared in under 90 seconds.  It was great fun!  Then we had good friends here for dinner that night. 

 The boys were trying their hands at a physics experiment.  God made the egg so strong, that if you hold it in your hand (the right way, of course) with the pressure distributed evenly and squeeze as hard as you can, it will not break.  We tried it with hard-boiled eggs!  It did work though.

I'm so very thankful for my wise husband who told me no a few weeks before when I wanted to invite people for Easter dinner.  We were exhausted!  We awakened the boys for their egg hunt and breakfast before everyone had to leave.  After another inspiring church service shared with new friends, we came home to another Easter egg hunt.  Ben and Fred left church quickly, and Ben set up an egg hunt for Chris and me.  It was very thoughtful, but also pretty difficult!  We relaxed and enjoyed each other the rest of the day.  It was a great way to start spring break.

Blogger

At first I thought I wasn't a blogger, but when I got started, it was kind of fun.  But I was right.  I'm not a blogger.  I think in my heart I am, but not in the reality of time and life.  I compose them daily in my mind, but there they stay, lost amidst schedules, lists, and school stuff.  Sigh.  At some point there will be time to reflect, but not in spring, not with sports and plays and concerts and tests and graduation looming with more things to do than I can muster the energy for.  Ah well.  Here are some photos just to freshen things up a bit. 

 The boys were snowboarding on the ice-covered grass.

 Ben's birthday party.

 The hot tub facial hair at Myrtle Beach.

 Beautiful day on the beach in South Carolina.

 Peter leads the singing of "Happy Birthday" for himself.

 Mugging on Fred's 18th birthday.

 Peter plays in the drum ensemble at the Fine Arts Festival.

 Fred throwing shot at states for winter track.  He was seeded 24 and placed 12th.

 My brother Todd and his wife Kim at his going away party.

The kids at the party all played Just Dance together.

Glasses

 Sam has gotten glasses.  He was complaining that he would "fuzz out" while doing his school work, and then he started getting some headaches.  I took him to the eye doctor, and sure enough, the numbers were off enough for a pair of specs to be in order.

 I think he looks very handsome in his new glasses.  He says they help, but they are also a little strange.  He doesn't like using them when we are riding in the car.  He says it's too weird looking through two sets of glass.  If it helps him do better work with less complaining, I'm all for it. 

 The doctor said they would help with the eye strain.  Hmmm.  I wonder if that can be brought on from hours of reading by the flashlight each night when you are supposed to be asleep? 

 These are my glasses.  The left are the readers and the right are the drivers.  Except now they get more use than driving.  When I first got the distance glasses, I would use them if I were driving at dusk in a place where I really needed to see the signs, or when we went to the movies and sat in the back. 

Since turning 40, I find that I need them to see the guide on the TV--and sometimes even the picture on the TV.  Chris says I'm vain and that's why I won't wear them all the time.  Not true.  I don't want my eyes to adjust to my glasses and get worse (I know that's a myth, but why risk it).  Unfortunately, now when I don't wear them, I have eye strain.  My readers were a necessity when I was teaching and grading paper after paper.  It's not that I can't see, it's that my eyes HURT when I don't wear them and try to read a text book or grade papers.  Here's my clue that it's time for a re-check.  We were watching television the other night, and I was trying to finish a book at the same time.  Fred looked over at me and said, "Really?  You're rockin both glasses at the same time?"  I'm sure it looked funny, but I am into function and not fashion at this point.

Happy New Year!

I love New Year's.  It's a new beginning.  It's a time to start those things which I've put off for other reasons.  New opportunities and new chances abound. This is the year that will make all the difference--at least for a while. 

This New Year's didn't feel like New Year's.  We spent a few days at my mom's with both of my brothers and their families.  There was good food and fun times, but there was also sickness.  New Year's Eve was the worst for some of us.  So instead of missing that tremendous new start, we are just putting it off a little until we all feel better.  We'll celebrate again in a couple of weeks.

 Lily and Abbey rekindling a friendship.  Since Lily, Tommy and Rose live in Ohio, we don't get to see them often.  When we do, we are always so thankful for that time.

 We see Nichole and Abbey pretty frequently and always love spending time with them.  Note Nichole's new specs!  Aren't they great?

                                                     This scene never gets old for me. 

                        Gram loves having her grand kids around--especially the ones that are so far away.

 We went to one of my dad's favorite places--the hardware store in Blackstone.  Every Christmas they set up a HUGE display of model trains.  It's really amazing.  He loved to take us there and talk with the guy behind the controls.  We missed having him with us this year.

 The New Year's Eve party was at Kim and Todd's.  The kids enjoyed playing Wii.  Tommy couldn't wait to go to Aunt Kim's and Uncle Todd's to play Wii. 

                                                          He was totally into the game.

                 The adults and some kiddos stayed downstairs and played Scene It, among other things.

                                                                         Sweet Rosie! 

 The bigger boys spent some time in the back house watching T.V.  Can you see the sick eyes on Fred?  This was probably 30 minutes before Sam came in with a fever of 102.

                                                  MIDNIGHT!  Happy New Year! 

                       Aunt Kim's neighbors were serenaded by small people with pots and pans! 

So although we had fun ringing in the New Year, it didn't quite feel like a holiday, which is o.k.  By the nextmorning the stomach bug had taken hold, so we missed the pork and sauerkraut.  We and the Ohio Henry's headed home as quick as we could that morning.  Todd and Kim and Mom enjoyed it this week, but we couldn't make the trip.  No one in my house can take sauerkraut, so I REALLY missed it.  I bought a tiny can that I might try to sneak in the next time we have pork.  Does it count if it isn't January 1st?   

Christmas Memories

I thought I would share some of our Christmas even though that was AGES ago.  We spent it at home together and then joined our good friends for dessert and drama later in the day.  It was a good day for all, and the last healthy day of 2010 for our family.  It's been a loooonnnnnggg couple of weeks since Christmas!

I'm sporting a new look for 2011 just to change things up a bit.

 The fuzzy hat made big splash this year.  Apparently it's very warm. 

Ben gives the victory pose as Peter opens something that doesn't resemble apparel.

 Another edition of the fuzzy hat.  This one is checkered red and black to match his coat.

This would be the mood when these two realized that, yes, most of the boxes are shaped like clothing boxes.  The excitement has waned considerably.  Maybe opening gifts is just too much work. Sigh.

Sam also is sporting a new look for 2011.  Think Clouseau.

 One of the non-clothing gifts for this year was a new trampoline from Aunt Pam and Grandma Fulton.  Our old one has 'done been wore out!'  It has also been thrown over the shed and mangled by a tree, reformed and repaired, and the netting has been fixed on a bi-weekly basis for the past 7 months.  It has gotten much lovin, which is why we decided that this would make a good, useful gift for Christmas.  It was very cold on Christmas morning, but the boys and Chris decided that they needed to put that puppy together.  Good thing they all got hats (except poor Chris--maybe we can find one).

 See the looks of concentration as Ben and Fred lift those bars and totes those barrels.

 Boris is supervising from her perch on the new net. (Yes, I realize Boris is not a female name--it's a long story).

 It's almost done!  It's funny that Sam is in most of these pictures, because he didn't really help much at all.  He was there for support when they needed extra hands, but many times he escaped for a trounce on the old trampoline.  He was acting more in the role of supervisor.   Fred, Ben and Chris did the lion's share of the work.



So that was our pretty uneventful and happy Christmas morning.  Maybe I'll post about New Year's before February.  That would be something, now wouldn't it? 

Fog

Early in the morning on Wednesday, December 16,  Deano, my brother-in-law, died of a heart attack. Pam was there with him when he died.  I can't imagine how difficult this is for her right now.  Chris and I left Thursday morning before the snowfall to be with her for the funeral.  The trip was treacherous for a while as the snow covered the already cold highway, but thankfully we made it safely.  Friday was the service, and then we headed to my mom's, who is only 5 hours away, since we were driving two vehicles home and I'm a wimp about these things. 

I was driving the truck that Chris bought from his uncle, a vehicle I'd never driven before, and Chris followed in the car.  I was leading and very nervous at first.  As we travelled I became more comfortable with the truck and felt a little more at ease.   We were cruising along through Greensboro and almost to Virginia when we hit the fog.  No one was ahead of me at that point, and I felt encased by the cloud and the darkness.  We were in unfamiliar territory at this point too, with a GPS that was malfunctioning.  I strained to see the road ahead.  The fog would lift some, but it always returned.  God mercifully sent people to drive in front of me.  As long as I could see their tail lights, I felt o.k.  I prayed a lot---really a lot.  When we stopped for gas Chris led, and I felt better.  We drove in the fog in the dark for 2 1/2 hours, and we finally ran out of it 10 miles before reaching my mom's.  How thankful I was!!!

As I was lost in the fog, I had lots of time to think.  I thought about how much our lives are like the fog.  I can't see what's ahead, and I'm not sure of the road.  If there is a light in front of me to show me the way, then I feel more confident, even though I still don't really know what's ahead.  The Bible says that God's Word is a lamp to our feet and a light to our path.  Like the tail lights of the car in front of me, it can show me the next step in this crazy life. 

This has been a year of deaths for me--my dad, parents of friends, relatives.  I don't know why this shocks me so much.  No one gets out of here alive.  We start the process the moment we are conceived, and yet when the time comes it seems unfair, surreal.  Like driving in the fog, we don't see what is ahead, what is around us, where the road bends.  God says that our lives are like a vapor--like fog--that disappears quickly.  That doesn't seem true until you are facing the death of another loved one.  I can only imagine the fog that my mom and now Pam are wading through.  But God is always so faithful to lead us when we rely on Him.  We just need to remember that when the fog is closing in and everything is dark.