I wrote this about 8 years ago. God keeps bringing it up and bringing it to mind, so I got it out again. As I read it this morning, I teared up again. Although some circumstances have changed since then, the sentiment still rings so true for me. I just wanted to share it with you.
Christmas! This year I want it to be different. I want to honor Jesus this Christmas rather than worry about what isn't done, rather than grit my teeth through Christmas Eve services because I'm angry at something the boys did or didn't do, rather than dwell on the fact that we tend to act selfish and spoiled and greedy. I want Jesus to take center stage in my holiday. I think I can even let go of the expectations that the rest of my family needs to feel the same way or it doesn't count. I'm ready to chuck the tree and the decorations--the whole thing--to focus on the birth of this most precious baby, but life gets in the way.
Busy is an understatement at this time of year. There are so many good things to do; charities, church, school. Everyone deserves my time and attention. But right now there is injury on top of business so I have to make choices. What can be done today? What has to be left undone? There's nothing that can go at this point. What would people think? What would they say if I just didn't participate? Why do I care so much?
It's Wednesday morning again--four weeks from Christmas. I haven't cleaned up from yesterday yet, but it's time for Bible study. Sunday and Monday were particularly hard days physically. Should I stay home today and catch up? Skip the worship part and just make it for the study? All of these thoughts race through my head as I decide what to do.
So this Wednesday morning, with the boys on the bus and the kitchen moderately cleaned up, God whispers "Go." If I stay home I won't sit like I'm supposed to anyway. So I go. I'm even early for worship. With thoughts of what I have to do later and how to get rid of the pain, I sing.
What's this? A Christmas carol? I'm not ready. "O Come Let us Adore Him." That's what I wanted to do, but I can't with all of my thoughts and to do lists spinning through my mind. Where do I put them, the pain, the uncertainty,the expectations, the house, the Christmas tree? Where can I leave them to worship? As I visualize the wise men bearing their gifts, I grieve that I don't offer gold or spices or anything of value. All I have is the clutter in my head. He gently prods me that all this stuff is really what I need to lay at the feet of my Savior. He wants me to come and adore Him Then He'll give me a new heart. Then I can worship the King.
O Come all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant;
Come ye oh come ye to Bethlehem.
Come and behold Him, born the King of angels
O come let us adore Him, O come let us adore Him,
O come let us adore Him, Christ the Lord.