Early in the morning on Wednesday, December 16, Deano, my brother-in-law, died of a heart attack. Pam was there with him when he died. I can't imagine how difficult this is for her right now. Chris and I left Thursday morning before the snowfall to be with her for the funeral. The trip was treacherous for a while as the snow covered the already cold highway, but thankfully we made it safely. Friday was the service, and then we headed to my mom's, who is only 5 hours away, since we were driving two vehicles home and I'm a wimp about these things.
I was driving the truck that Chris bought from his uncle, a vehicle I'd never driven before, and Chris followed in the car. I was leading and very nervous at first. As we travelled I became more comfortable with the truck and felt a little more at ease. We were cruising along through Greensboro and almost to Virginia when we hit the fog. No one was ahead of me at that point, and I felt encased by the cloud and the darkness. We were in unfamiliar territory at this point too, with a GPS that was malfunctioning. I strained to see the road ahead. The fog would lift some, but it always returned. God mercifully sent people to drive in front of me. As long as I could see their tail lights, I felt o.k. I prayed a lot---really a lot. When we stopped for gas Chris led, and I felt better. We drove in the fog in the dark for 2 1/2 hours, and we finally ran out of it 10 miles before reaching my mom's. How thankful I was!!!
As I was lost in the fog, I had lots of time to think. I thought about how much our lives are like the fog. I can't see what's ahead, and I'm not sure of the road. If there is a light in front of me to show me the way, then I feel more confident, even though I still don't really know what's ahead. The Bible says that God's Word is a lamp to our feet and a light to our path. Like the tail lights of the car in front of me, it can show me the next step in this crazy life.
This has been a year of deaths for me--my dad, parents of friends, relatives. I don't know why this shocks me so much. No one gets out of here alive. We start the process the moment we are conceived, and yet when the time comes it seems unfair, surreal. Like driving in the fog, we don't see what is ahead, what is around us, where the road bends. God says that our lives are like a vapor--like fog--that disappears quickly. That doesn't seem true until you are facing the death of another loved one. I can only imagine the fog that my mom and now Pam are wading through. But God is always so faithful to lead us when we rely on Him. We just need to remember that when the fog is closing in and everything is dark.
7 comments:
Paula....great analogy with the fog. Praying for you and your family during this season. I know how it feels, but thankfully God does too!
Paula, I didn't know that you have had a blog since 2007. Thank you for sharing this story, and oh how true it is. Now that I know you are blogging I will be back more to visit. When the Lord gives you these analogies, it is important to share them with others like you have. God bless you girl and your entire family. May you find His blessed peace and rest this Christmas.
Paula, I LOVE your blogs and of course, you know I've been reading them for awhile. You have such a way with words.
"Time heals all wounds." Don't you hate that saying? It should have a "but" at the end and then add, "the scar it leaves is permanent." I don't think it's possible to "cure" how much your heart hurts after the death of a parent or sibling. Lucky for us, God transforms that raw sharp pain into a strength to carry on and serve Him. How? It's what you have always told me--let Him. Listen to Him. It's been 29 years since my dad died and 6 years since my brother died. My heart hurts now just as much as it did the day they died; however, now I have God in my heart. "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me."(Philippians 4:13)
If you ever want company in that fog, let me know.
Paula,
I did love your blog with the analogy of the fog. That is EXACTILY what it is and it is really hard to see what is ahead. We just have to go "One day at a time" as they say.
Paula-
Thanks for sharing your insight. I was caught up in your story and in the emotions that run through it and had a small vision of that light that leads through the confusion. I have also had a tough year with family deaths and impending illnesses and it is so difficult to keep looking for the direction in the midst of "the fog".
I'm slowly coming to understand that when the Lord leads us through the darkness, He wants us to embrace His way rather than just accept it. Embracing the pain is an act of worship for me.
I'm praying for you and your family.
Paula, I really enjoy your blogs and our analogies. Thanks so much for sharing. I enjoy seeking the spiritual side of your younger friends as it's an encouragement to me to "keep on keeping on". Our hearts and prayers are with you and Chris and your families. It's a hard time, but so Thankful God is always in control. (and, yes, I still miss my parents who both passed away over 3 years ago. I would love to have had them see their great grands interact with each other and cousins, etc. They would have enjoyed it so much. but I am thankful they are in a much better place.)
You have been in our prayers.
I miss you.
This post was beautifully written. God's voice through you is so familiar and so warm....
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