Back to School

We can see grass! Actual green grass is now showing across most of our yard. There is still plenty of snow, but at least things are somewhat back to normal.

I am starting my 4th day back at home with everyone else going to school on a normal schedule. It's been busy with dentist appointments, orthodontist appointments, awards ceremony, but I don't have to do that on top of working full time. I went back to school Friday last week just to make sure the transition went well and that Lindsay found everything. I had to wait about 15 minutes for the block to end. I sat in the teachers' room and talked to some friends about school and home. I feel needed and wanted there. The teachers all get along well and are helpful and kind to each other and me--something that apparently doesn't happen at every school. I enjoy knowing the students and talking with them. The teachers appreciate that I follow their lesson plans and grade papers when I sub. I thought that was standard, but apparently it's not. As I walked out of the building, I had to shake the "fairy dust" from my mind. It's a trap. On the way home I chided myself for not writing the reasons why I felt so strongly that I need to be home and not at school. I did follow through and do that when I got home, but it's been over a month since I finished. Things are fuzzy. I tried to recreate those emotions of walking into the house to face a kitchen full of dishes from breakfast, knowing that I had a night of work ahead of me. I want to remember the disappointment Peter expressed when I couldn't be at school for his party or be there in the morning to wake him up. I need to continue to remind myself that I don't want to "...spend my labor on what does not satisfy," as Isaiah says. I don't want to give my best energies to students who could really care less and have nothing left for my family. Being home is no picnic sometimes, and there isn't a lot of acclamation--they need me here, but they don't appreciate that yet. Perhaps this time I will obey the Lord and do what I know He's called me to do. I hope so. My heart breaks for the moms who feel they have no choice but to work. I'm so thankful that I can be a stay at home mom. I was surprised to hear many of the teachers express their desire to be at home. I assumed that they wanted to be teaching. I've learned so much through this experience. I just hope it sticks!